If you’re like most adults, you were once in a relationship, felt like you were in love, and thought you had found the right partner. Then you were disappointed in a breakup, perhaps so painful that it scarred you for months, and in some cases even years. Well, I hate to break it to you, but if your current love relationship isn’t working out, the breakup is most likely the path to a successful relationship and a new life.
This article does not invite men and women to leave their relationship. It is intended to explain one of the reasons why relationships fail. I hope you take away knowledge that you can use to ensure the success of your own love relationships. As a case study, let me tell the story of Jack and Jill.
In late 2003, while Jack, a well-to-do accountant, was out shopping, his eyes met a woman. She was very easy on the eyes. Jack talked to the woman and soon the two started dating. They were so happy from the beginning that they thought they were soul mates.
About two weeks into their courtship, things had changed. Now they were in a loving relationship. Jack introduced his new love, Jill, to her son, and Jill introduced Jack to her own family. Both Jack and Jill were single parents, each with two children. Things seem to be going well for them. At that time, it was not uncommon for Jack to take Jill shopping, give her her credit card, and watch her spend, spend, spend. Jill loved it. In her mind, she had found the perfect man. He was good-looking, had an academic education, had a beautiful five-bedroom house, and was financially secure.
As the relationship progressed to another stage, Jack was so happy with his new wife that he suggested marriage. Jill asked Jack to give her some time to think about her offer. Jill’s reason for not accepting Jack’s suggestion right away was that she wanted to take it easy for the sake of her children. She wanted to make sure that she was making the right decision for everyone involved.
Despite the happiness friends and family felt for Jack and Jill as their relationship progressed, deep down Jill felt something was wrong. Jill began to reflect on her relationship with an objective frame of mind. She took it in and realized that Jack wasn’t treating her very well. She all along she had been blinded by the fact that she had found a man. As far as Jack was concerned, everything was perfect. She was more than happy with the way Jill treated him and took care of him.
About seven months into their relationship, Jill decided to end it. Jack couldn’t understand. He took offense and accused Jill of being cold and uncaring.
Jill got really frustrated and called me. My obvious response to Jill was, “Jack’s comment is really about him and not about you, Jill. He loves you and if he can’t have you, then to him it means you’re cold.” I continued, “If the relationship doesn’t work out, as you tell me, you have the right to set him free so that you both can find your true mates.”
Jill let off steam, and when she was done, she felt better. About four months after her breakup, I asked Jill what had happened to Jack. Jill informed me that Jack had found another older woman. The new woman had moved into Jack’s house and they planned to get married. Jill proceeded to say, “You should see them at church on Sundays. They all say they look great together. I can see how happy she’s become. I can feel they’re just right for each other.”
When Jill told me that, my response was, “Don’t you feel good about letting him go when you realized the relationship wasn’t working out? Because you let him go, now he’s found a woman he’s very happy with.” “She agreed that the breakup had led to something better for both of them.
Breaking up a relationship is and can be painful depending on how much a person has invested in the relationship. It’s even more painful if you hope for a future, like marriage, but come up short. The most important thing to understand is that relationships break up for various reasons. The story above shows just one way that the breakup can be the best for you. Anger, name calling, and seeking revenge just make things worse, as these retaliatory feelings continue to eat away at your core.
When your relationship ends, you must do what must be done to forgive yourself and the other person. I know too many cases where people become so bitter that they form a negative opinion of the opposite sex. These feelings will then manifest themselves in conversations with friends. Soon the friends start to feel emotionally drained with all the negative talk and start to avoid the person who is speaking negatively. There are many cases where people carry their bitter experience into a new relationship and end up losing that new lover because of their negative talk.
When your relationship fails, the most important thing to do is accept what has happened. Try to understand why it didn’t work. Consider the consequences of what can happen to you emotionally if you turn to anger. Usually, after a breakup, you may miss the other person and want to get back together. It is very important to be strong, as you will almost certainly want to come back and rekindle the relationship.
If your relationship breaks down, it may be because your soulmate is right around the corner and in order for you and your soulmate to connect, you need to become single, which allows your soulmate into your life. A breakup can also mean that you have been hurt too many times in the relationship, taken advantage of, lied to, cheated on, etc., and that your soul can’t take it anymore and needs to get away.
Forgive yourself and others. The power of forgiveness is one of the most powerful ways to achieve inner peace. Forgiveness will help you feel good about yourself. It will give you the courage you thought you would never have and lead you into the arms of your true partner.
