I get asked this question a lot and over the years that I’ve trained people to get their ex back, I’ve got a lot of great advice on the subject.
If your ex is open to spending time together (or dating), keep it friendly, but don’t say “Let’s just be friends” hoping your ex will think “Oh! You’re so wonderful. I love you.” back!” Even with your other friends that you’re not romantically involved with, you didn’t go up to them and say, “Let’s be friends.” The friendship happened naturally over a period of time.
When you tell your ex “let’s just be friends,” he or she may assume that all you really want is to be “friends” and this will make it very difficult later on to ask if they want to get back together without your ex. feeling “cheated”. Be friendly, but don’t offer to be “just a friend.” You want more than that, so set your eyes on the goal.
If your ex offers to be friends to begin with, don’t worry about all the information you read about how it’s impossible to make the transition from friends to lovers. It may be that he or she is not yet ready to quickly jump into a situation that could hurt you again. For now, accept that friendship is all your ex has to offer you. Being friends means that the door is still open for you. If the door stays open, your ex may one day walk back in. Instead of stressing, worrying, and getting frustrated with her decision to be friends, see this as an opportunity to show your ex that you are a different and better person.
The greatest loves are built on strong friendships. If they are not friends, and best friends, then the relationship will not support all the other problems that come with living with another person.
Just make sure it’s clear to your ex that the reason you’re getting back together is to try to be lovers again. Say something to this effect:
“You know how I feel about you and that I want us to be more than just friends, but if being friends to begin with will bring us closer, I’m willing and ready to give this relationship everything I’ve got. Let’s see if keeping in touch regularly and spending time together, we can rekindle what we had when we met. I think these could be some of the best moments we’ve shared in a long time.”
This way, your ex will know that you’d rather get back together right away, but you won’t rush him into doing something he’s not ready for yet. But more importantly, promise something your ex can look forward to.
If your ex starts to object to keeping in regular contact and spending time together to try and rekindle the love you had, then you know that saying he or she wants to be friends to begin with was just a polite way of saying it. “I’m not interested in you romantically, but I’d like to be friends.”
On the other hand, if your ex is okay with your proposal, agree to be friends to begin with and make the most of it. Take this opportunity to show off all the changes you’ve made since you broke up. This is when you do all those important things that will make your ex reconsider “being friends” and open up the possibility of something more. The goal for you is to stoke the feelings of “liking” and push them out of the “friends-only zone” into the realm of romantic feelings.
If you do this right, you’re halfway back together, and it will happen naturally over a period of time. Without sweating and without forcing it. Nothing could be easier.
If you really want your ex back, you can check out my ebook: Dating Your Ex: What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow, and the Next Day to Get Your Ex Back.
