Divorce is difficult. Whether you’ve been married for a short time or for many years, divorce is the end of hopes and dreams. Divorce is expensive, emotionally and financially.

Some people choose to represent themselves, and this advice is not for those brave souls. It must be repeated here that a lawyer representing himself is often said to have a fool for a client, and the same is true of the non-lawyer acting as his own lawyer.

If you have a lawyer for your divorce (or modification or other family law matter), here is a list of 9 things to make sure your lawyer knows.

1. The most important thing for me:

2. The second most important thing to me:

3. The following things are important to me, but they are not essential. I am willing to negotiate on these items:

4. The following items are not that important to me, but I would like to consider them as part of my overall result:

5. The following things do not affect me at all:

6. Are my goals realistic and if not, why not?

7. Here’s what I think is the most important thing to know about the other person or people on the other side of the case:

8. What I think is most important to the other person or persons involved in this case:

9. What I think is the biggest fabric between myself and the other person or persons involved in this case:

If you’re worried that your lawyer thinks an honest answer to any of these questions will be silly or mean-spirited, you’ve got the wrong lawyer.

Always remember that the court system and laws will not always be what you perceive to be fair and sometimes the answer to whether something can or will happen will be “no” and the explanation will be “because you just won.” It doesn’t happen.” That doesn’t mean you have a bad lawyer, just an honest one.

Giving your lawyer your answers to these questions will allow them to better prepare to handle your case and also to better serve you and your needs.