Let’s be honest. I’m not Betty Crocker.

Although I love to cook (certain things), I hate cooking (most things). It’s just not my strength, let’s say. (I’m still trying to identify that one.)

To be completely honest, the whole finance thing isn’t my forte either, and my bank balance usually echoes that.

But I LOVE Thanksgiving and sitting around a table, sharing a meal with my family. I’m All About Norman Rockwell!

This creates quite a stressful dilemma every year, NOW.

And then Jim came.

Five years ago, I met my future husband and he spilled into my adorable chaos. (Well, thank goodness for me he found it charming, anyway!) The day I confessed to him that I had declared bankruptcy and was not a great steward of my life was one that left me shaking in my flip-flops. I really liked this guy and hated watching him hit the pavement!

It was then that I found out that he was, in fact, the man of my dreams…

Not only did she hug me despite my glaring flaws, she turned the stressful vacation ahead into absolute fun! We decided to throw our various culinary talents into the proverbial pot, so to speak, and spend Turkey Day in the kitchen together. And, to prove we can live on less, we’re launching a mission to spend as little as possible on a full Thanksgiving meal.

Granted, how much you plan to serve will vary how much you need to spend, but I thought it would be fun to share with you exactly what we cooked and how much it cost. To keep you up to date, I went to Kroger today and for all the ingredients needed, I spent exactly $38.54!

Menu:
roast turkey
Pumpkin and Cranberry Dressing
green bean casserole
cranberry sauce
creamed corn
Ragweed
coconut cake
rolls

Now this may not have all of Grandma’s specialties listed, and there wasn’t much slavery involved (I know we’re hoping this is a required rite of passage on Thanksgiving), but it was probably the best meal of my life! We laughed all morning and evening and ate until our bellies were plump.

Six months later, we got married! (Now, single ladies, I’m not saying this is a surefire route to hooking up the guy from your starry nights, but they are saying the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, through a fatter wallet! Just saying!)

Key Ingredients Shopping List:

Turkey (10 pounds, not frozen) $12.42
2 deep tart pans $2.19
Frozen Corn, 16 oz. $1.69
Dried Cranberries $2.00
Heat and Serve Rolls $1.00
mini marshmallows $1.25
1 Vidalia onion $.67
1 pumpkin $.37
1 can of tangerines $1.00
Grated coconut bag $1.50
2 cans of green beans 2.00
Can of chopped pineapple $1.00
Turkey Cooking Bag $1.89
16 oz. Sour Cream $1.00
Mushroom Cream $1.00
Bag of mix for filling $1.00
Can of Fried Onions $2.50
Cranberry Sauce $.88
Jar of Marischino Cherries $1.99
Fee $1.19

Have I mentioned that I love Kroger’s 10 for $10 promotions? My total savings for my day’s purchases was $13.33!

Ok, here are the recipes (with as many shortcuts as possible):

Turkey:
Follow the bird’s instructions, silly. Jim likes to grill ours these days, but the oven still works fine. I included a baking bag so the turkey seals in juices and flavor. Rub that sucker with as much seasoning (I use steak seasoning, because it’s salty and extremely flavorful on just about everything) as possible before sending it to the fire. A 10 pound turkey takes approx. 3 hours to cook.

Dressing room:
There are so many sacred recipes for dressing like grandmothers. Jim has one for the cornbread dip that is out of this world. But allow me a confession: I’m not a big fan of dresses. I almost pushed it around my plate. Still, what Thanksgiving table is complete without dressing? So I break down (ha) under pressure and get creative with my own experiment every year. This time, I bought onion, pumpkin, and dried cranberries to add to the packaged mix. Keep your judgment. It will be delicious, I tell you. Use a chicken stock seasoning cube if you have one.

Green Bean Casserole:

I wish even Martha Stewart would include this on her Thanksgiving menu. Who does not? The instructions are on the can of fried onions. Easy peasy.

2-3 cans of green beans, drained
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
¾ cup of milk
healthy pinch of pepper
1 container Fried Onions

Preheat oven to 350. Combine all ingredients except ½ can fried onions. Place in a medium saucepan and bake for 30 min. Remove from oven and stir. Top with the remaining onions. Bake an additional 5 minutes.

Cranberry sauce:

Remove it from the can to a plate. Cut with a butter knife into portions. Made.

creamed corn:

Now I’m a bit picky about Grandma’s corn cut straight off the cob. I even have a special cutting board that allows you to slide the corn cob down and the kernels drain off. Expect a disaster. I often get corn shards in my hair and on my kitchen table legs, where I sit for this task. Just toss all the kernels and the milk that comes with them into a hot cast iron skillet that’s swimming in bacon grease, add some all-purpose flour, salt, pepper, and additional milk and you’ve got yourself a SERIOUSLY good mess of creamed corn.

However. We are on a budget here.

So the closest thing I’ve found in the frozen aisle is packaged creamed corn that’s shaped like an ear of corn. Mix THAT in the pan until thawed and cooked into some really tasty creamed corn! Ready. Simple and READY.

Ragweed:

My mother would roll over in her grave if she saw what I am about to call ambrosia; well, she would if she wasn’t still alive and kicking in the north Georgia mountains. In her opinion, ambrosia is a MANY hours-long process of peeling oranges and grapefruits and mixing them with lots of other juicy stuff to create something that is, without a doubt, quite heavenly.

I never did. Never will.

Here instead is something that is so easy and my favorite fruit salad dish:

can of pineapple chunks
jar of maraschino cherries
a little sour cream
Several handfuls of mini marshmallows
can of tangerines
Coconut

This is the really hard part: mixing everything together. Made. (She’ll have tasted all of his favorites as he tossed them, so she’ll already be smiling and dinner isn’t ready yet!)

Rolls:

um. Yeah.

heat them up eat them.

Coconut cake:

(Okay, give me a break here. Everyone has their favorite Thanksgiving pie. For most of you, it’s probably PUMPKIN. I love these too. But I’ve yet to try one that’s made at home and is better than one bought from the bakery or frozen. Punkin Pie is Punkin Pie is Punkin Pie. All delicious. Top with whipped cream and you’re done.)

But I love coconut cake and I love knowing that it’s also my father-in-law’s favorite. Since he’s visiting us at our cabin this weekend, I’ll do it for him. This is the best coconut cake recipe ANYWHERE:

1-1/2 cups of milk
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of shredded coconut
2 beaten eggs
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon butter, melted
¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
1 no-bake pie layer (I use a deep plate, as I hate my pie to splatter on the crust)

In a large bowl, stir everything together until blended. For in the form of a cake. Bake at 350 for 50 minutes or until a knife inserted near center comes out clean. Chill or eat warm and serve with a tall, cold glass of milk! (Yes, warm is my favorite!)

There you go! I promise all of it will give you that rosy feeling, I COOKED A THANKSGIVING MEAL FOR THOSE I LOVE and everything will be fat and happy. You might even be married in six months! (If you’re married now, I certainly hope so! If your marriage does, in fact, end shortly after this meal, please read the fine print at the bottom which clears me of any blame.)

HAPPY TURKEY DAY FRIENDS!