While preparing for a presentation to a women’s group in Germany on identifying challenges and recommending solutions for the children of deployed troops, I heard the news that a 19-year-old boy had shot and killed eight people, and he injured five, before taking his own life. The Omaha mall shooting was something beyond comprehension for residents of Omaha, Nebraska. That’s right, Omaha, Nebraska, the breadbasket of our nation, Central America.

Location no longer seems to matter: Omaha, Nebraska; Finland; amish country; Virginia Tech; Salt Lake City, Cleveland, Crandon, Wisconsin; Las Vegas and, most recently, Louisiana State University. What matters is that young men seek recognition through acts of violence and we are bewildered, unprepared and waiting in fear for anticipated copycat incidents. Many are dedicated to tracking and understanding the lives of these young people who are called “Spare Killers.” What has been the latent anger begins long before the act is committed. These troubled youngsters are drawing inspiration from their predecessors, such as Erik Harris and Dylan Klebold, the killers of the 1999 Columbine High School massacre. In reality, they are “idolized and considered heroes,” says the Montgomery County, Pennsylvania district attorney , Bruce Castor. .

It was more than Robert Hawkins could bear; he dropped out of high school and soon after his family kicked him out of the house. The breakup of a longtime girlfriend and the loss of his job could have been the turning point. Like a pressure cooker exploding from not releasing steam, Hawkins carried out his plan for a mall shootout, randomly killing as many people as possible before taking his own. “It’s too late, I’m sorry for everything, I will no longer be a burden, now I will be famous,” were the words of his suicide note, also expressing the disappointment that was for everyone. At the age of 14, when the ideal is for young people to get a part-time job, play basketball and discover their evolution into adolescence, Robert Hawkins was placed in a home for troubled youth, where he was reportedly harassed. , which was only a part of his life. History of nearly five years of distressed behavior.

What do you think is the precursor to someone being bullied and treated as an outcast, as the perpetrators of these heinous crimes were? I would like to offer three important aspects to consider: the role model of parents and society, the formation of the brain, and a failed educational system.

A. In 1962 Dorothy Law Nolte wrote some wise words for all of us to reflect on: CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, then learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.

If children live with courage, they learn confidence.

If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.

If children live with justice, they learn justice.

If children live in security, they learn to have faith.

If children live with approval, they learn to love themselves.

If children live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love in the world.

Our children, like the children of the Omaha mall shooting, do not deserve our luggage. But how many parents-to-be are willing to embrace and process the past before conceiving children? How many are willing to make the changes that will improve their lives? First comes the desire to be in harmony internally and set the intention for peace of mind, which requires working through the pain and problems of the past, the stories that do not reflect our true nature. I have found that a lack of self-esteem is the common denominator among my clients. If we don’t feel worthy, let’s do whatever it takes to overcome harmful, negative, and sabotaging beliefs until we realize that serving to be happy, prosperous, and successful is actually our birthright. This could very well be a lifelong process. We can’t give something we don’t have. For example, after presenting a workshop on feelings awareness to teachers, a young woman confided to me, “I’m a coward to talk about feelings in my classroom because I don’t understand my feelings. How can I help a student with his ?”

* How do we give the necessary personal attention, if the child in us feels that he has been a burden?

*How do we recognize special characteristics and gifts if the child in us feels like they have never been noticed?

*How do we accept and encourage the child to express their unique ideas, if the child in us feels closed off and judged?

An adolescent with low self-esteem will belittle his own talents and, feeling worthless and powerless, will be easily influenced by others. In addition, he will become helpless and feel right to blame others.

Vulnerability, fears and unrecognized emotions are masked by their frustration. We have to be role models every day in a positive way that will grow a small sprout into a strong, healthy, mature, confident and loving adult who knows of his gifts to contribute to Mother Earth to make it a better square. As an adult, are you a role model of trust and value?

B. The results of the latest brain research are now revealing data that challenges the idea that the wiring of a life is established during the first three to five years of life. “Inside the Teen Age Brain,” a PBS special, revealed current facts based on a $2 million scanning machine at the University of Minnesota that has opened windows into the brain. Dr. Charles Nelson, a neuroscientist and psychologist, among others, has uncovered profound evidence that the frontal cortex is undergoing unexpected growth during these vulnerable, vulnerable-for-the-brain and adolescent years. Vulnerable because it could be responsible for the extreme mood swings experienced by many adolescents.

Further research was done with photographs showing a variety of emotions to adolescents while their brains were being scanned. It showed that they were not able to accurately recognize and identify emotions in images. Another important discovery revealed that many adolescents experience a significant sleep disorder. Ability tests were administered to adolescents who slept the most versus those who slept the least. Those who got more sleep had improved scores, were more alert and more engaged.

So what does it all mean? It means that everything changes. It means that we may now have new evidence, which would allow us to better understand adolescents. It means that the pendulum also swings in the area of ​​brain research and formulation and that it is our responsibility to stay informed and integrate new data. We all have to be willing to continually refocus our perceptual lenses, then look at what works and what doesn’t and be ready for the paradigm shift.

At the end of the program, one of the scientists stated that his grandmother used to say: “Give the children love and quality time.” Another spoke of the enduring lesson for parents as “relationships, people, connections—this is what makes the biggest difference.” Food for thought on a complex and fascinating topic. http://www.pbs.org

C. A failed education system with an emphasis on testing, testing, and more testing is a crucial element in this picture. “The important curriculum is being replaced by tests, and it’s becoming more frustrating and challenging to teach.” A high school government teacher told me. Test scores and paychecks should not be identical. An underlying fear motivates an archaic system of throwing information at a group of children. rather than individually extracting the child’s unique learning style and accentuating the positive.

Dr. Maria Montessori developed principles over 100 years ago based on independence and freedom: “Help me do it myself.” Respect for others, spontaneous activity, support, openness and affection contribute to the development of the child. They learn at their own pace and search for materials and topics that interest them. “Students must be able to make decisions, cooperate with their peers, develop and maintain a sense of order, demonstrate self-discipline, function independently, and participate noncompetitively in a classroom community.” There are only thirty-nine states that have state-funded preschool programs, despite the fact that data, theory, and research suggest that an investment in early childhood development will pay off by making a significant difference in the success of early childhood. learning of a child

Violence is learned behavior, learned behavior that could lead to a shopping mall shooting. It is learned at home, at school, through games, the media and society. What are we teaching our children? Gandhi’s grandson, Arun Gandhi, said: “If we were to examine our own lives, we would find that many conflicts arise from two main sources: our ability to manage anger positively and our inability to build good relationships. If only we could learn these two things , we would be able to reduce violence in human society by up to 90%.” That’s quite a statement. And what about learning to avoid conflicts with each other, through the art of caring for healthy, strong and meaningful interactions, based on honesty and openness, practicing the art and skill of non-violent communication? Let’s integrate it into our educational system.

How do we stop children from killing children? Azim Khamisa, author of From Murder to Forgiveness, speaks from experience, as his 20-year-old son, Tariq, was shot down while he was delivering a pizza. His words say it all. “I see victims on both ends of the gun.” Ralph Larkin, author of Comprehending Columbine, advocates the need for a “peace education program” integrated into school curricula that focuses on nonviolent conflict resolution, as well as issues like bullying. “We have to build much stronger support networks for children,” he says. Tom Simon, of the Centers for Disease Control’s Division of Violence Prevention, says: “There’s not much we can do as a society to keep places safe… The need is to focus on primary prevention… There really is potential if you start early and work with these kids, there’s promise for primary prevention.”

We say that our children are the future. Are we being the positive role model for a child in our life? Are we offering our support and guidance to a child we may know is suffering? Are we taking a stand to improve the education system in our community? What are you doing to prepare a child for life? Do not go back to the dishes after reading this article. Don’t get on the phone and make that business appointment. Don’t get into the “hamster” energy of doing, doing, doing. Instead, take a quiet moment and sit down with what you’ve read: write about what was told to you in this message, be introspective, and don’t hold back. It takes perseverance and commitment to deal with our issues which will generate the perfect guideline to come forward and support us on a regular basis. Just start the process and then continue. Start now: Where you are right now, don’t be willing to wait another day. The Universe is there for you, if you just ask for help.