Ripley: How long after we are declared defeated can we expect a rescue?

Hicks: [pause] Seventeen days.

Hudson: Seventeen *days?* Hey, I don’t want your show to rain, but we’re not going to last seventeen *hours!* Those things are going to get here like they did before. And they’re going to come in here…

Ripley: Hudson!

Hudson: …and they’re going to come in here AND GET US!

Ripley: Hudson! This girl survived longer than that without weapons and without training.

[to Newt]

Ripley: Right?

[Newt apes a salute]

Hudson: Why don’t you put her in charge?

–Aliens (1986) source: IMDB.com

When guys come to me with their relationship problems and dilemmas before I even open the email, I know what’s missing. I know what is wrong.

The same thing that is missing in your relationship. The same thing that is missing in your work. Same reason, even in the highest echelons of team sports (despite tons of individual excellence), excellence as a group is very rare.

Missing?

Leadership.

And leadership is especially problematic for the good guy.

In this article, I will give you the basics of what leadership is and what it is not. Then I’ll give you the first step.

The form that leadership takes in relationships is a particular brand that I call Direction. And plain and simple, Management is making decisions. Like in a car. Sped up? Decelerate? Pass that yellow light? Should I take the highway or stay on the secondary roads? Is this a good time to take the scenic route?

And finally it all boils down to a really simple idea: Given the reality that I understand about the current situation, what do I think is the best way to get us where we’re going?

Some things that management is not. The address is not:

• Intimidation
• get away with it
• be right
• to be better
• being obeyed

Some things about management are…

• have a place to go
• Have a plan to get there
• Being able to invite others along
• be able to respond
• Being able to stretch, grow, fail, look stupid, change, go to plan B or plan Z and do whatever it takes within your values ​​and beliefs to make it all happen.
• Not being willing to compromise your values.
• Not being willing to settle for less than what you really want

These last three are especially important. Because I see them leaving out a lot of men and relationships. So I want you to reread those lists. And really think about some times when you’ve been trying to Lead. And then I want you to think about how different your life would be if you knew how to execute those principles effectively.

Now, before closing, let’s give you the first step to start learning to drive.

Practice.

You need practice. And the tool for the practice is the Secret Identity Project.

How the Secret Identity Project works:

1. Choose a project of your interests and hobbies. (i.e. learning to play the trumpet).

2. Schedule practice sessions with at least one other person at least once a week. (Sign up for lessons in the music store.)

3. Choose a goal to complete 20-30 days from today. (Learn a song.)

4. Design a performance test against other people. (Perform your song at a live open mic night at your local microbrewery.)

5. Do not tell this to your girl.

If he asks you, don’t lie, just play it down. minimize it Tell her: It’s nothing, just something I’m trying.. Tell him as little as possible. Most likely, he will roll his eyes and ignore you. She might make a power play out of the time you spend not worshiping her. That’s the idea. Do not go back. But be elegant.

Now, some guys will notice that you’re not really leading anyone else on this task. That is true, but you are leading yourself. He is also being challenged to schedule practices. To make time for something that is important only to you. That’s the other idea.

So take your wheel.

Start your engine.

Be good.