Is there a way to nominate a person for sainthood? I’m serious. My husband deserves the title and it should be made official.
You see, this week he moved his mother out of her 35-year-old apartment. Under normal circumstances, moving is very stressful. Moving a person who, even when he was young, had the title of “difficult” and is now in his 70s, is truly the testing ground for honor.
My mother-in-law is not only difficult, but she is also a “top-tier winner” and with a very steady income. Thanks to the Internet, we found several “affordable senior housing” projects, reviewed them, and put their names on the lists. Eventually one became available, and for just twice the amount of his rent-controlled residence. Oh, and with half the space.
I never knew where my father-in-law actually put his things when he was alive. And I understood from the beginning why my sister-in-law and my husband fled the scene moments after taking off their high school caps and gowns. NO ROOM!
My very patient spouse started preparing her for downsizing a year ago. It let him know what he could keep and what he had to give away (one way or another). With each visit, he would check and literally throw away more of his “prized” things. There have been (all from him) yelling, crying, whining, and many attempts to recover. Despite everything, she remained smooth, firm and stable. I never heard him raise his voice once. This past week we both did the last packing, he was there for the entire move and the next few days to help her get settled in. Unfortunately, he also had to tell her that half of what she brought had to “go.”
She begged and said that he couldn’t tell her what to stay. He asked quietly “Do you want to have a bed? Do you want to come in here? Then you must get rid of what you do not use, period.”
Thinking I would rescue her, she asked me how she could put up with her brute son. I replied, “Oh, I’m so much worse than him, you are the luckiest mother in the world to have such a wonderful child. Now, let’s get rid of your 4 muffin cups and the 2 boxes marked as empty folders.” There, let’s get rid of the dozen rolls of adhesive paper. “
In the 27 years I’ve known her, she has never made cupcakes. The same goes for the 5 cake pans, the three 12-quart soup pots, and the four sets of plates. Believe me when I say that cooking is not a talent that I associate with my mother-in-law. He specialized in the use of paper plates for at least the last decade.
The next thing was a phone call to my mother, waiting for the help of another older woman. Too bad, it didn’t work out. My mom told her to throw these things out and start her new clean and tidy life. “What do you need with a half dozen sets of sheets for a crib that you no longer have?” Then my mother committed the cardinal sin, adding that most of what she was holding had to be destroyed years ago. That caused a phone to shut down, let me tell you!
On the positive side: the neighborhood is completely safe. The complex is fairly new. Many of the new tenants have already knocked on your door to welcome you. Best of all, there are planned activities and a market 800 meters away. For the first time in your life, you have a dishwasher, air conditioning, and a private patio. It will be up to her whether or not she takes advantage of her new life. Another definite advantage: my husband will no longer have to endure more than two hours driving in traffic to visit her.
How my husband still has sanity, low blood pressure and a sense of humor is a miracle! Truly a testimony if not for holiness it should at least have a halo and wings.
