There is a perception that a woman who accepts an unfaithful husband is weak, lacks self-esteem or is naive. I used to have this same perception, until my own husband cheated on me. I like to think that I have a firm grip on reality, even though my self-esteem had problems at the time. Even so, I do not consider that any of these objectives is applicable in my case, and I do believe that there are valid reasons to accept it. I also think there are situations where you accept it for all the wrong reasons. I will discuss more about this matter in the next article.
It often takes strength to save your marriage. Just walking away is so much easier:It bothers me that the entire label of “sign of weakness” falls on women who chose to fight for their marriage and family. Because honestly, there are times when it would be so much easier to just put your hands up and give up. Overcoming infidelity is tough and vulnerable work. It’s certainly not the easy way out, if you do it correctly.
What I mean by this? Well, there are couples who “work” on an affair just trying to forget about it. They turn a blind eye and pretend it never happened. This is probably the stereotypical easy way out. However, couples who are in it for the long term and who want to rebuild a healthy marriage have many obstacles to overcome and overcoming these obstacles is not for the faint of heart. Not make mistakes. This is hard work that leaves you feeling vulnerable and insecure. But because you love your family and you still love your husband, you put one foot in front of the other and stumble forward. There is nothing weak in that.
You should know that we do not give our husbands a free pass:Many people assume that if you get your husband back after being unfaithful, that one day you forgive and forget and that he walks away totally free with just a weak apology or “Sorry, it won’t happen again.” This is not the case at all for most of us. No, we usually only make this decision once we know deep down in our hearts that you are deeply sorry for it. And very few of us just blindly take his word for it. We wait. We observe. We compare your actions with what you say to see if it is credible. We look at him like a hawk. We do a regular inventory to see if something feels wrong. We require him to do the work necessary for us to feel safe again. We require advice or frequent “registration”. In short, we do not agree to move forward until we are personally satisfied that he is trustworthy and that the relationship is workable to our satisfaction.
It is not weak to save your family:At the end of the day, getting an unfaithful husband back is a decision not made lightly. Most of us have children to consider – children who would likely grow up without a father in the home if we decided to take the easy path and just walk away. Ultimately, we will consider the entirety of our marriage, whether it was good and whether the past justifies the future. At the end of the day, most of us promise not to let a mistake in a life of redemptive qualities destroy everything we have worked so hard to build. We are not going to waste our family for a person who is gone.
If you are worried about appearing weak if you withdraw it ?: I often have people ask me how they have overcome this fear that accepting it would show weakness. The answer is to make sure that you have weighed everything and that you know that you are accepting it for the right reasons. Know that he is really sorry. Know that both of you will determine why this happened and then work tirelessly to make sure it doesn’t happen again. You need to know that the other person is completely out of the picture. You should know that you are willing to register and be responsible for as long as it takes. And you need to know that you, too, will be working on yourself and rebuilding your self-esteem so that you don’t always have doubts.
You must be very clear about the fact that if this were to happen again, it would be a deal breaker. You need to know that there are no second chances. But you should know that your reasons for accepting it are valid and they are yours. This is nobody’s business but yours. You are the one who lives within your marriage and whether you want to stay in it or not is up to you. But you don’t have to worry about what other people think. They have not walked or stepped into your shoes and cannot objectively assess your situation. Only you can do that. And only you know that you are not being weak at all. You will know when you have what you need and you will be able to move forward with certainty and hope.
