It often happens in a relationship that at least one of the partners is not true to himself. This happens for several reasons:

HEARSFor example, you want to separate but are afraid of being alone; wants to confess about an affair but is afraid of the results; You feel more responsibility to your older children than to your new partner, but you don’t have the courage to admit it to her. and so on and so on.

HerOn the other hand, he hates the way he makes love to her, but he’s not assertive enough to bring it up; he is tired of asking her to help her with chores around the house, but she does not want to confront him about it, he is afraid that he will feel that she does not consider him as “a man”; She is frustrated that he doesn’t ask her out to restaurants as often as she would have liked, but she hesitates to bring it up, fearing that he will get mad, and so on.

Two people in a relationship, neither of them true to themselves

So here are two people, in a relationship, neither of whom is true to themselves, neither of whom has the courage to raise issues to discuss with the partner. As a result, because they are dissatisfied with the partner and with the relationship, both behave in a passive-aggressive way towards each other.

“Well, at least I’m not alone,” each of them thinks silently.

“Well, at least I don’t rock the boat,” each of them calms down.

“Well who said a relationship should be perfect?” each of them wonders, “Is there such a thing as a perfect relationship?” they comfort themselves, each separately, but somehow together.

What makes you stick together?

So what keeps them together is their silent and shared “agreement” that their relationship is not a good one, but …

It could well be that according to their own standards, belief system, and “shared” vision of partners and relationships, what they experience in their relationship is simply “normal”; “That’s how things are always in a relationship.”

Do you feel that you sacrifice a lot for not being honest with yourself and your partner? Maybe not: they probably don’t know you better. After all, both of you might have experienced failed relationships in the past; both could have separated or divorced (perhaps even more than once); The two of you may have never allowed yourself to open up to your partners and communicate openly and honestly.

So as much as they are alike in their demeanor, it still doesn’t mean that they have a lot in common or are soul mates. The opposite could be true: they are neither “relationship wise” nor soul mates. What they are are just two people in need of love who became attached to each other as a result of fears and needs that control them and drive them to stay together; behave like them; clinging to each other, not feeling really happy, but then, “you can’t expect everything from a partner and a relationship,” they say to each other, quietly, each in their own head, over and over again.

The difference between choose a partner and a relationship or slipping away in them

What it all tells us is simple: when you approach a relationship not with the intention of gaining something meaningful in your life, but in order to escape something, whether it’s escaping loneliness, feeling unworthy, being disillusioned with life, and looking for something to “fill the void” – when you are looking for a partner and approaching relationships with such an attitude, it is quite certain that you will. will end, in any case, in a relationship in which do not be faithful to yourself or to your partner.

The fun part of all this (or should we say: the sad part) is that often you may not even be aware of the fact that you are not certain; who has entered the relationship because of his need to escape, driven by fear, feeling inadequate to face life, impatient to take the time to find a compatible partner, but willing to “jump” with whoever seeks his company.

When the initial “love” ends up making you feel haunted, but you stay …

In fact, when you initially meet your partner and go on dates, you may feel “in love”; You may be “attracted” to the person; you may feel loved and desired. But these, unfortunately, can only be short-term feelings, and sooner or later, when the two of you enter into a “serious” relationship and maybe even move in together, you may soon realize that the “magic” has been set. dissipated. (if there was one to start with), and that all your dreams of fantastic intimacy just went down the hill, down the drain, and all that was left was … or well, someone with whom you escape your fear of loneliness, your fear of abandonment, someone with whom you try to fill the void of love, need, self-esteem …

Ignore, deny, ignore reality

Does refusing to be aware of your self-sabotaging behaviors allow you to prolong the relationship until “death do you part”?

Ignoring the fact that you are not Does being honest with yourself and with your partner make you feel more “at peace” within the relationship?

Repeatedly denying the warning signs that this couple and this relationship are not so that you can feel more “at home” with your partner?

Hard to say. This is your mind you denials, and you relationship.

However, even people who are unconscious they can’t cheat on themselves (and their partner) all the time; You cannot continually affirm that “everything is fine”; I cannot repeatedly make up a thousand and one excuses to justify staying with a partner who is not for them and in a relationship that does not bring them happiness.

The heart knows what the mind refuses to recognize

There is a proverb: “The heart knows what the mind refuses to recognize.”

Their hearts too.

But they stay. Without fear; and need; and feelings of worthlessness.

You could think to yourself: if only they had developed consciousness; if only they had realized their fears and needs; if only they had had the courage to seek the right therapy, they would receive the appropriate advice; take the initiative to make a positive change in your perception of yourself, your partners, and your relationships.

If only. This is the reverse: IF ONLY …