An anonymous writer once exclaimed: “Life is a never-ending struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a stylist that you like.” This observation pretty much sums up the dynamic that exists between a barber and his clients. The relationship is often compared to that of a psychiatrist and his patient, in part because it offers unlimited territory for both discussion and confession. Nowhere is a relationship more lively, informative, humorous, or controversial than in the confines of the barbershop.
Search any corner, city center or rural destination and you will find a barbershop that not only meets the style needs of the population, but also caters to the different appetites and dialogue inclinations of its clientele.
What has always fascinated me about the inner workings of the barbershop is that it is truly one of the few places where there is what Miami Herald columnist Greg Cote calls “random evidence of disordered minds.” Frankly, men have accumulated countless tons of invaluable knowledge and invaluable perspectives, but they have only been able to express them in limited ways and in places. In fact, we have a lot of things to say, but for years we have been prevented from saying them.
My personal barber from Atlanta ‘Master Dee’ is probably best described as an interesting mix between rap mogul Snoop Dogg due to his slim physique and sultry R&B singer Barry White due to his imposing baritone voice. . A married man with no crumb snatchers, as he puts it, Dee always seems to be at ease with the state of the world and is never overwhelmed by the “insanity” we often refer to as life and living. Dee has always been as deliberate in his pre-haircut ritual of carefully arranging his razors and work tools in a nice and orderly row as he is in cautiously offering his outlook on life, politics, conspiracy theories, soap operas, the weather, sports, who killed JFK, relationships, and whatever else catches your eye. Recently, while I was reclining in “the chair” waiting for a cut, I asked Dee a probing question. I was curious what the barbershop secret was to forcing men to spill their proverbial guts when it came to the talking points that have resonated in stores across the country. He thought for a moment with a distant look on his face as if he was channeling the responses of the thousands of barbers who had come before him. After his silent and seemingly prolonged personal deliberation, he calmly stroked his wide, disorganized knob, placed his right foot on the back swivel bar of the chair, and exclaimed: “a brother always needs another brother.”
Almost instantly, along with the other customers scattered around this nondescript shop, I nodded in affirmation and knew exactly what Dee was referring to. Reduced to their lowest common denominator, men desperately require other men to vent as well and be validated by. What is interesting about this dynamic is that it has less to do with conversation and much more to do with the tangible, relational bonding exercise that occurs in hair salons in every corner of the nation.
The validation that one man gains from another man through dialogue, storytelling, humor, and even the sharing of personal instances of pain and despair not only lets him know that he is not alone in his constant pursuit of the prize of manhood. , but also connects with him. to a fraternity of “brothers”, as Dee so fondly put it, who can help you “Standing up” when the tangible circumstances of time and time dictate and often insist that he should lie down and die instead.
It would be reckless to hint that the history of faulty male-to-male and male-to-female interactions at its core can simply be cured with a fade and accompanying shave. However, it should be noted that a good “tape” may be the best means of properly measuring the distance between a man’s words and his heart.
