1. At Panama City Beach (hereinafter PCB) the sands are soft and almost snow white, complemented by a crystal clear, emerald green and blue sea. These beaches could be straight out of a postcard – they are truly beautiful and rival any in the Caribbean. Across the Atlantic, in England, there are sandy and pebble beaches. Sandy beaches consist of yellow grainy-textured sand, and pebble beaches are basically an expanse of large stones. Great for skimming through the water, painful beyond measure to walk barefoot or lay on a beach towel. Given the choice, I’ll take the sandy bottom any day.

2. A summer day at PCB Beach is usually hot and sticky – jumping into the sea is a great way to cool off and beat the heat. You can sit under an umbrella for shade and return to the air conditioning if the temperatures are sweltering. In England, you can still sit under an umbrella, but it will be to protect you from the elements. (ie wind, rain or hail) Do you think it’s hard to keep your beach towel spread out on the beach at PCB? Try to do it with near hurricane winds. A windbreaker is a necessary item to pack along with your flip flops, sweaters, and maybe even a jacket or two.

3. There’s nothing like a postcard to make those back home jealous and to illustrate what a fabulous time you’re having on your beach getaway. A PCB postcard will usually show a stunning view of the beach, perhaps a few palm trees swaying in the breeze, and a glorious sunset on the horizon. An English beach postcard is a very different story. There are usually a couple of burly ladies wearing bloomers or a very questionable one piece suit, sitting on their striped loungers and eating fish and chips off of newspaper or a stick of rock. The ladies may be smiling, but you can tell they are very cold and wish they were warm at home. What are underpants and rock sticks? I could explain, but I don’t have enough space to explain the complexities of our “common” language!

4. PCB vacationers will enjoy, for the most part, comfortable and spacious accommodations with magnificent views of the sparkling Gulf of Mexico. Hotels or condos offer all the comforts of home, such as cable TV, DVD, washer and dryer, sometimes a full kitchen, and usually a private balcony. Head east about 4,000 miles and you’ll probably find yourself in a B&B (that’s Bed and Breakfast) sharing a bathroom with ten other people and having to check before you shower in case the water isn’t hot enough. Of course, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but believe me… many B&Bs still offer shared bathrooms and almost everyone will run out of hot water at some point! The B&B is a traditional English guest house and is basically a room in someone’s house complete with a greasy fry in the morning. The decor generally looks like time stood still somewhere around 1936, and the amenities are basically just a kettle, bed, and reading lamp. Also, if you’re really lucky, you can get a TV with a whopping 4 channels to choose from.

5. One of the best things about a PCB holiday is the fabulous range of cuisine to tempt your palate and the sensational range of restaurants available. This is what a typical menu for the day might look like:

Breakfast: fresh seasonal fruit, grits, eggs any way you like, pancakes, and coffee.

Lunch: Grilled grouper sandwich, fresh tuna dip, and a colorful salad.

Dinner: Fresh seafood platter with shrimp, lobster, clams, oysters, fish, and crab. Key lime pie for dessert. Hungry yet?

Here’s what can be served at Tea-and-Crumpetville Beach:

Breakfast: A traditional fry. Eggs, bacon, sausage, fried toast, tomatoes, baked beans, and black pudding. Yes, I really did say baked beans and black pudding. In addition to a cup of hot tea with milk to start the day with energy.

Lunch: steak and kidney pie, French fries (chips), mushy peas, and gravy. If the kidney’s got you off, maybe try some fish and chips wrapped in newspaper. It really makes it taste better.

Dinner: Bangers (sausages) with mash or baked potato. Probably mushy peas again. And a big old plate of speckled cock and custard for dessert. yum.

Now, I’m not for one minute suggesting that an English beach holiday is something to be avoided at all costs. Quite the contrary. It really is a divine experience, enhanced by the quirky traditions and unpredictable weather. I think England is one of the best destinations in the world and I know any visitor would love it, black pudding and all. Panama City Beach is, in my opinion, another of the best vacation destinations in the world and has its own unique qualities that set it apart from the rest. If you are lucky enough to cross the Atlantic, you will love it. For those vacationing in the United States and heading to Panama City Beach, a sunny and sandy southern treat awaits. Just leave the jackets and windbreakers at home and think twice before ordering grits.