Breaking… some people say the best way to do it is like taking off a Band-Aid, all at once. Sure it hurts like hell, but it seems like the best way to get over someone after dating for a while.

However, for most couples, the breakup can take a long time, or even multiple times, to start. Chances are you know more than a few people who broke up, got back together, and then broke up over and over and over again.

So what does it mean if your ex still calls you after the breakup? Did they have anything else to say? Do you want your stuff back? Or is your ex boyfriend or girlfriend calling you for an even more hidden reason?

Your ex calls after the breakup: what he really wants

Essentially, there are two types of breakouts. One of them is serious, and that’s the one where your ex boyfriend or girlfriend barely looks back. He doesn’t get any calls, he doesn’t get any texts, and his email inbox is empty and empty. Maybe your ex also breaks electronic ties, like MySpace or Facebook. The point here is that this person is really looking to break up. They are not playing or thinking about getting you back.

The other type of breakup is when your ex is actually hedging their bets. They want the freedom of being single again, but they also want the peace of mind that you’re not too far away. This is where your ex will keep you close at hand, by one or more of the following:

* Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend keeps calling, for different reasons, after the breakup.

* Your ex gives you the “let’s be friends” speech.

* Your ex innocently writes on your Facebook wall, updates your MySpace page, etc…

* Your ex keeps in touch with your friends and keeps asking about you.

In all cases, your ex is really trying to do one thing: control you. They want to know what you’re doing (and who you’re doing it with) for some very specific reasons, and all of those reasons involve keeping you from losing interest.

In more obvious cases, your ex might even tell you that they still love you or have unresolved feelings. When you push to get back together, they will start to drift apart, but this is only because they would like to continue the breakup while they figure out what to do.

The truth is that your ex is still calling you because he is not ready to lose you. They may have initiated the breakup, but they may also be unsure about it. If you can recognize this, getting your ex back becomes much easier. You can use your existing feelings to attract them again, as long as you know what to do next.

What to do when your ex calls you

Handling the phone call from ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is not always easy, but all you have to do is stay calm. Getting too excited can really turn your ex off of her, and could immediately mark you as desperate to hear from him. You don’t want this.

Instead, take it slow. If your ex texted you, don’t reply right away. If her ex left a message, take her time to call him back…or don’t call him back and let him dial her number a second time. If they are serious about getting back in touch with you, they will.

In the end, reversing an unwanted breakup is all about making your ex come after you. This is vitally important, because it strengthens any reconciliation you may have when your ex came looking for you, instead of you running after him.