Probably sixty percent of the emails I get are from wives facing the reality of divorce. Almost everyone wants to save their marriage and is not ready to throw in the towel yet. They want to know: whether their husbands can change their minds and reconsider divorce; how can they make this happen; and when this change might occur. I will answer these questions in the next article.

You can’t force or force him to stop the divorce, but you can help him want to: Many wives approach this as a battle. The emails I get ask for advice on “doing it” or “getting” him to change his mind. This wording alone implies that you are trying to force or trick this man into doing something he just doesn’t want to do, almost as if he is kicking and screaming all the way back, but he will begrudgingly come back just the same. . Is this really what you want?

Of course not. You are going to have a much higher degree of success and satisfaction if you are able to get to a place where you are equally committed and willing to save the marriage. You want him to want to be there as much as you want him there. And you’re not likely to succeed if you meet him as an adversary or take a combative stance.

In fact, you almost want to do the opposite. You want him to think you’re committed to his happiness and helping him get what he wants (although we both know this will get YOU what you want).

Ignore the divorce for now and focus on the day to day: The truth is that many women act badly and desperately with the threat of divorce on the horizon. This little word triggers panic, fear, and despair, all very negative emotions that can cause you to do or say things that you are likely to regret later. We began to bombard him with questions and accusations. We try to make you feel guilty. Or we’re just so obnoxious because we want to lash out at him so he’s just as hurt as we are. But, all of these things just dig a deeper hole and take you further away from your true goal.

So even though it may be hard at first, I want you to stop thinking about divorce. It will work much better and be much more convincing when you don’t have this threat breathing down your neck. Promise, at least for the next few months, to take things day by day. Divorces take time to become final. You probably have more time than you think, and counting the days will only cause you to react negatively. Right now, let’s take things day by day, conduct ourselves with dignity and grace, and focus only on ending our time with husband on a positive note. Yes, these are small victories. But, the small victories eventually add up until you create a new reality.

Know that your husband will change his mind about divorce when you show him that things really can change in your marriage: Well here is the short answer. I have a bit of knowledge about men who have filed for divorce. Many of them write to me and tell me what they feel. Almost everyone tells me that divorce is a reality because they just feel like things can’t and won’t change. They share that they feel more like a brother or roommate to their wives. They feel that their wife no longer has time for them, that she cares more about the children, her career, her parents and her family. They tell me there is no longer any laughter, intimacy, or feeling of connection. And they tell me this has been going on for a long time and they’ve repeatedly tried to fix it, and now they’re pretty sure it won’t change and there’s no way to rescue it.

At the end of the day, the core of a divorce is often a lack of connection and intimacy. Because when two people feel this, they can usually weather any marital storm. So if she wants to change her man’s mind about the divorce, then she needs to focus on restoring these things and showing her husband by her actions, not her words, that she can succeed with divorce. this.

This probably seems like a tall order when you don’t live together or at least don’t have access to him. This is where it comes to him from a place of association. It is important to communicate that you agree that the marriage is broken and that you both deserve better. Explain to him that he is too important to you to let things deteriorate like this. So, you will focus on what you can: get out of this in a way that you can be proud of. He may be hesitant at first, but as you behave this way, he will eventually perk up a bit.

When you do, it is very important that you give your best. Listen carefully. Lean in when he speaks. Emphasize that you are on his side and that you support him. Because truly, you are already the person who can turn your husband’s gaze and possess his heart. You already did it once. But somehow the stress of everyday life took a bit of the shine off this woman. Now, it’s time to retrieve it and claim it. Because she is the one your husband really loves. And once she comes back, and you approach him from a couple spot (and move slowly), everything else should fall into her spot.