Difficult people include those who think they are right all the time and always want to have the last word. Others are nosy and are quick to gossip or invade our privacy making us uncomfortable. There are some who want to provoke an emotional reaction in us and thus wind us up until we somehow overreact. Some manage to subtly maneuver us into a tight corner where it’s hard to escape doing what they want.

I would suggest that it is possible to get along better with more difficult people as long as their behavior is not extreme. I’m going to explore 4 suggestions on how to do this:

1. Respect them for their strengths.

2. empathy practice

3. Correct any unreasonable thoughts

4. remember our own faults

Respect difficult people

Shirley was really fed up with her new next door neighbor who blasted his music most nights after she got home from work. The next time she accosted the guy, she wasn’t sure she could trust herself not to scream and lose her temper.

Choosing the right words is important. “You can disagree without being disagreeable.” (Zig Ziglar)

When you complain, it’s important to keep it in proportion, not overdoing it or being too self-conscious. If he resorted to insults and hostility, the door would most likely be slammed in his face.

When we complain or criticize someone, psychologists advise us to respect the individual. To focus on the behavior you need to change instead of the person. Don’t say ‘You are causing me a grievance’ but say ‘I feel like the noise is causing me a grievance’. Condescension, disdain or ridicule shown to the person only creates bad feelings.

If you respect the person with a bit of humor and give due credit to possibly sympathizing with their problem, they are much more likely to understand the criticism and take it seriously.

And it is easier to find the patience to behave like this if we feel respect for the person. Even difficult people have some good points if we take the trouble to discover them.

empathize with difficult people

Bill’s teenage stepsister was often puffed up and excited. She sometimes she drove him crazy. She wanted to yell at him.

Bill told his girlfriend that he was thinking of moving out of the family home, even though he couldn’t afford it. ‘But do you really know her? What has she been through? They Asked. ‘What has been her past?’ Bill had to admit that he didn’t know much at all. The girl had joined the family only the previous year from abroad.

It helps to understand why difficult people have gotten to where they are now. See things from their perspective. Then we can more easily take into account those who have gone through the mill. Is the person under time pressure, dealing with current problems, suffering from unmet needs, still dealing with past trauma? Are they suffering even if their suffering stems from their own mistakes and blunders? Having empathy helps with our tolerance and patience. And this can indirectly affect the relationship.

think more reasonably

Jack’s friend seemed to have the ability to get him to do things he didn’t really want to do. Set up tables in the town hall, lend him his lawnmower, visit a mutual acquaintance in the hospital, take care of his cat.

Jack was beginning to feel uncomfortable every time he met this friend. The guy could expect more from him. Nothing that was asked was an imposition in itself, but other people could see a pattern emerging.

Jack was a conscientious person. Clearly, his friend was an expert at holding on to Jack’s sense of social obligation. Jack tended to feel uncomfortable if he felt someone disapproved of his behavior in a minor way.

When we feel mocked, we can reflect on the limits of our responsibility. What are the appropriate priorities for our time? Yes, to help when we can. But also, to do our own work, fulfill family duties, honor other commitments.

The hyperconscious person like Jack tends to have a somewhat misguided conscience. He or she feels guilty where in some things he does not need to feel guilty.

Recognize your own shortcomings

Zoe was an experienced system administrator and software programmer. Her job was to oversee a small information technology team.

Unfortunately, there was a difficult member in the group. He was skilled in many aspects of the job, but not all. It’s the old story: It’s hard for us to appreciate the value of what we don’t know, because we don’t know it. Without some humility we are not open enough to learn that there may be something we do not know. Unfortunately, this guy seemed to have an inflated idea of ​​his own worth and behaved as if he was right all along and deserved to have the last word.

Zoe had to get projects right. Her professional challenge was working alongside someone who would not accept correction or criticism. She knew it would be difficult to replace him.

On reflection, Zoe was reluctantly forced to admit that she herself had some faults.

He realized that it is easier to be patient when talking to a frustrating person if you can recognize your own faults. She saw that, like him, she was a flawed work in progress.

Summary

I have tried to show that although we cannot change someone, we can influence the way they speak and act in specific situations. And in this way give us less headaches. We do this by:

1. Respect them for their strengths.

2. practicing empathy

3. Correct any unreasonable thoughts in ourselves

4. Remembering our own faults