Your children know when visitors are coming. You’re nervous and you can’t help but show it. You don’t like his stepdad and you wonder if he’ll see the tub for the whole weekend he’s gone. Add to that, they’ve come back with bruises, and your ex hasn’t been as forthcoming about how it happened. What should you do?
Before you accuse your ex of child abuse, you should know some of the signs. If your child is being abused by her ex, or by anyone else, it is up to you to do everything you can to offer her protection. However, you will be doing yourself or your child no favors if you make a false accusation. Before you call your county welfare department or involve the police, ask yourself a few questions.
1 Has your child’s other parent been abusive in the past? A person who has never been violent before is not likely to turn so suddenly. If he or she has never hurt her child before, what would give him or her the incentive to start being cruel now? If you have a decent history with the child, her attitude probably hasn’t changed. Ask him how the injury occurred. Only if you don’t get a satisfactory answer should you consider involving the authorities.
2 Could the injury have occurred while the child was playing? Children suffer scratches and bruises while doing normal activities. However, if you discover handprints, whip marks, burns, or deep bruises, you should investigate further. If your ex’s explanations don’t make sense, you should notify the police immediately.
3 If there is a medical crisis, it is obvious that the right help should be called in to help your child. If your ex is not responding to your child’s need for health care, she may have a legitimate complaint. However, you should still seek an explanation for any failure to get the help a child needs. However, before involving the courts or child protection authorities, you and your ex should try to establish emergency procedures for the future.
It will take more than a disagreement between you and your ex as to what constitutes proper treatment of your child to convince a judge that there is a real problem. Divorcing parents disagree about child care all the time, and the court simply cannot intervene every time the parents cannot negotiate child-rearing issues. Still, if you have good reason to believe that your child’s other parent is endangering or abusing your child, you have an obligation to take whatever steps are necessary to protect your child. Just be sure to prevent your child from getting hurt instead of making excuses to limit the other parent’s involvement in your life.
